Should You Stay or Should You Go

Amara

Alright, so today's episode is about that age-old question: should you stay or should you go? And not just like the song, I mean properly—did our parents and their parents actually have it right, or were they just, you know, holding onto tradition for dear life?

Mina

Every time I bring this up at brunch—someone's mum is out there saying, “back in my day, we stuck it out, end of story.” Like, was that law? Or just vibes? I swear, my grandma used to act like marriage was a marathon and quitting wasn’t a thing. She literally said, “You start, you finish.” No sideline. No water breaks. Just keep—running—child.

Amara

No, actually though! My nan—lovely woman, Midlands through and through—she’d say, “Never leave the house angry, and for heaven’s sake, don’t let the neighbours catch wind of a row.” Arguments, silence, the whisk still going in the bowl, all smiles when you step out. It’s mad how much was about, sort of, keeping face, right? It wasn’t just love, it was… appearances. Duty. Even like, arranged marriages back then—there was no “do you feel fulfilled?”, it was “does it work?”

Mina

Yeah, and that ran heavy in the US, too. Especially for Black and Caribbean folks in the South—your relationship was meant to last because it had to. Leaving wasn’t just about the two people, it was about the whole family, the community, the church—everyone had a stake. I mean, sometimes it was economic. Like you really couldn’t afford to bounce. People stayed for security as much as for love. Spiritual beliefs too! Divorce was a sin in so many eyes, ugh.

Amara

Makes sense when you think, if you left, how would you survive? Especially women, back then. My dad’s mum in Angola—she married young, five kids before she was 30, and leaving? Not a real option. So this “loyalty” thing… sometimes it was a choice, but a lot of times? That choice was made for you.

Mina

But fast-forward to now… our generation? We’re out here acting like “self-care” is reason enough to dip, and honestly? Sometimes it is! Like, you get one life, why be miserable for tradition? Got me thinking of that reel I made—remember? Parodying my grandma, standing there with her wooden spoon like, “You betta STAY or else.” The comments were a warzone. Half went, “Yes, queen, know your worth!” and the other half? “You millennials got no grit.”

Amara

That was hilarious, by the way. But it shows how split people are. For some, staying means you’re resilient. For others, it’s just suffering in silence. Can’t lie—I do rate how much more open we are now about mental health and like, not letting ourselves drown just because someone says “you must.”

Mina

Honestly, and the stats are wild. Divorce rates way up from the old days, and you got these ‘situationships’ now, which—if you’re listening and you’re in one, I’m not judging, but please blink if you want out. Gen Z especially, whew, if it’s not serving you, you bounce quick. No shame. Guilt is out, cutting your losses is in. But maybe we swing too far the other way sometimes?

Amara

Yeah, sometimes I wonder if we’re making it too easy to just… leave. I get wanting happiness, trust, but is that at the expense of resilience? I always mess this up—is it that we have higher standards, or we’re just less willing to settle? Or is it basically the same thing? I dunno.

Mina

No, you’re onto something, ‘cause it really depends. I love that we don’t just “make it work” if it’s toxic, but there’s this thing now where a hard patch means “OMG, abort mission, time for healing.” Sometimes it’s just a bad week, y’know?

Amara

So what are we gaining—and what are we losing—by bouncing or sticking it out? I think about my aunt, right? She stayed with her husband for what, 30 years? For the kids, the house, the… idea of family she’d built in her head. She never complained but you could just feel it—like swallowing words each dinner. But get this, she left when her youngest moved out, and now she’s, I dunno, backpacking round Spain, salsa classes, posting sunsets. Sixty and glowing! That quiet strength—it cost her decades, but she’s so happy now. Still, she says if she’d left earlier, maybe she’d have missed stuff too, like stability for her children.

Mina

That’s so real. Let’s be honest—sometimes sticking around is the safe bet for kids, or finances, or even your own peace for a while. But then, people end up hollow inside trying to hold it together for everybody else. It’s respectable, but is it… worth it every time? I dunno either. I get why the old ways have appeal—like, it’s endurance. But sometimes you’re just passing down the silent suffering, like a family recipe. The flip side: learning self-respect, showing your kids how to leave what’s hurting you… that has power, too.

Amara

Yeah, maybe the answer isn’t all or nothing. Like we could actually balance wisdom from both—know when to fight for something, but also when to choose joy over just enduring. I’m not the expert though, still working that out. But I get why those “old heads” talk about strength; I just wish they’d passed on the self-love bit too.

Mina

Exactly, strength with boundaries. That’s the remix. Look, we’re all kind of winging it, generation to generation. That’s what keeps life spicy. I feel like as long as you’re thinking for yourself and not just doing what’s expected… you’re winning, no matter what era.

Amara

Perfect way to end it, honestly. So whether you’re a stay-and-fight type or a protect-your-peace type—thanks for listening to us ramble and try to figure it out. Mina, you good?

Mina

I’m good, Amara! And to everyone out there, don’t forget to check in with your heart—and maybe your nan, too, just for the recipes. Catch you next time!

Amara

Respectfully… nah, we’re not done yet. But we’ll be back soon. Bye, everyone!